I am a suicide attempt survivor. Through all the deep dark valleys I walked, suddenly I discovered a light at the end of the tunnel shining so bright, greater than I had ever seen before. How was it possible for a woman such as I, to have come so far in life, with nothing but loneliness and despair, then suddenly I'm rescued? Could it be possible it was for such a time as this? There are too many people today that are ending their life needlessly. I am now an advocate for suicide prevention. My passion and prayer has become my mission to share my journey to make a difference in someone’s life and I believe it is possible!
The Christmas Star so beautiful and bright, is for such a time as this, to remind us not only of our dear Saviours birth, but to not forget, He is coming again. Until that day, He wants you to know, He is always with you and will never leave you. He is the Christmas Star, the Light of the world and His Light shines in our hearts, for the whole world to see. Let your light shine and share His love, peace and joy with others this Christmas season and all year round. Even though we have to keep our distance we can still embrace each other with our prayers and spread His blessings to everyone you pass by. On Sunday morning as I was driving down the road I reached out my hand and spoke life into every home in my sight with blessings of healing, and joy and peace in every room. I knew in my heart that lives are touched, and the blessings of the Lord have reached their destination. I may not see results in the natural, but I know in my heart I have made a difference in obedience to the Lord and that’s all that matters. He does the rest. And to my surprise, the beauty of the whole process had a boomerang effect on me and the excitement and joy in my heart was amazing, so much so, I couldn’t contain it and shared my experience with my family and now I share it with you. All I can say is when you give out blessings, you receive so much more in return!! Praise God from whom all blessings flow! I bless you all my sweet sisters and dear brothers with God’s great peace and joy and for His healing waters to overflow you and your family this Christmas season, and keep you healthy and safe in the new year! Merry Christmas and I embrace you all with my love and prayers, Lollita ❤️❤️❤️ ❤️ Jesus is the Christmas Star, the Light of the world 💎 in John 8:12 Jesus said, I am the Light of the world, he who follows Me shall not walk in darkness but have the light of life. Thank You Jesus ❤️
In the past I’ve written about seasons, but not like this and I’m excited to share. This morning I was led to read Psalm chapter 1 verses 1-3, they touched my heart as I personalized them…
“ I am blessed when I delight in His word and not walk in the ways of the world. As I meditate on His word day and night, I am like a tree planted by His living waters. I shall blossom and bear fruit In my season. My leaves shall not whither and whatsoever I do shall prosper”… a spark ignited as I read the words “in its season” in verse 3. Then I was drawn to Ecclesiastes chapter 3, to everything there is a season, a time for every purpose in heaven. Then the list goes on of the times to do this or that in verses 2-8. I was then inspired by the Holy Spirit to write the seasons of our life, for we too go through different seasons.
The Seasons of Our Life
Autumn Breaks…Before the leaves fall, they are transformed into magnificent color. They blend so beautifully together and they may not know it at the time, but their season is coming to an end. But it’s not over, the tree is not dead, there is more yet to come. The same with us as we go through the autumn season of our lives. We may be living comfortable, in magnificent color and everything looks good. Then God begins to change things, but only for our good. He removes and takes things away, not for us to lose, but to gain more than we could ever imagine. Autumn breaks us, but we’re not completely broken. When some things end, He still works behind the scenes and puts the pieces together more beautiful than before. He paves a path for new things to begin. Even when plans fall to the ground and we don’t understand, greater things are about to rise, beyond what we could ever ask or think. So, If you are in this autumn season of your life, remember it is not over. Now Is the time to plant seeds of righteousness and give Him praise. Keep our minds on Him and look above, for greater things are about to take place. This is our time to rest and put our trust in Him. Col.3:2
The Winter Wait…Our leaves have fallen and our branches are bare. It is cold and hard to see through the blinding snow, but even through the darkened clouds, the seeds that were planted in autumn are growing deep in the depths of our heart. In this season of our life all we can do is wait!
But in the waiting, we build on the foundation of God’s word and grow for the days ahead. As He prunes the branches in late winter and has us throw away things that hinder and distract us, there is no need to fear. Even through pain and struggles, it is all part of the process to build our character, and prepare us for His plan.. In the waiting we become stronger and before you know It, you gain the ability to soar with wings of an eagle…we may not understand at the time, but in the next season of life we will…Isaiah 40:31
Spring Forth…In this season of our life our eyes are awakened and our minds are enlightened to see deeper. The Lord opens doors before us that once were shut tight and at one time looked impossible. As we step out in faith and walk through them, new buds begin to rise out of the cold ground with new and bright opportunities to prosper us.. Miracles begin to birth within our hearts and will blossom into full fruition as we believe and put our trust in Him. New God dreams, awaken new hope and we wait again for visions to take place In His appointed time.
Sweet Summer
There is a rare kind of beauty in summer not like any other season. It tells a story of a garden with scented flowers of all kinds, plants, trees and fruits in full fruition. The sunshine is warm and inviting, sunsets are delightful along the river’s edge. Sounds of laughter from children playing in the park and song birds singing through warm summer breezes and more…
In this season of our life we see the fruit of the Spirit blossom in and through us. We receive answers to our prayers and our God dreams and visions fulfilled. It’s living the mountain top experience and this is the season where we all want to stay, but Jesus said there would be troubles, but not to worry, for He has overcome the world. John 16:33
Each of us are walking in one of these seasons and whether you are in autumn breaks, or the winter wait or in spring barely sprouting, there is still hope. And if you are walking through the sweet summer season praise God, I am delighted for you. And if not your season will come. I’m so thankful to the Holy Spirit for giving me this word today. My heart and mind has been enlightened and I’m excited for the future. I’m at present going through the winter season of my life in waiting on the Lord, but I’m looking forward to all He has planned.
In Romans 5:3-5 it tells us to rejoice in sufferings, because suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us. Through it all, He is building within us His greater strength. God is preparing to position us for the great plan He has purposed for you and for me. Nothing happens by chance but everything we face is all approved by God and He allows it all to happen for our good. Romans 8:28
In Prov. 3:5,6 it says to trust Him with all of our hearts and not lean on our own understanding, but acknowledge Him and He will direct our path. He is an all-knowing God and sees the beginning to the end and knows what is best.
I bring this writing to a close with the promise in Ecclesiastes 3 verse 11a. He has made everything beautiful In its time. That includes you and me, He makes everything beautiful in our season of life, so we have no need to worry. God bless!
I pray this word will be a blessing to you and encourage you today.
This is a word the Lord gave me to share with others and I pray it will be a blessing and encourage you….He will see you through and all you have to do is trust Him. Love and blessings!
God says…
I have heard your whispers in the night, I will answer the cry of your heart. My eyes see and I hear and I am attentive to what is going on. I will not let you down. I’ve been with you from the beginning and I have a plan beyond what you see at this moment. Do not fear and trust Me, I will shift things around for you only for your good. I am close beside you in all you go through, I will make a way. There is some change and new direction coming and all I have brought you through was part of My plan, even though you may not understand right now you will in time. Continue to pray with confidence and know that I am with you every step of the way. Keep moving forward and you will see great things take place beyond what you have ever imagined or believed.
In this season of struggles, My grace will carry you high above and give you strength to finish all I have called you to do. I will calm the storm so that the waves are still. Your heart will be glad as the waters are quiet and I will guide you to your desired haven. I will satisfy your longing soul and fill your hungry soul with goodness. I will deliver you from all your distresses and My peace like a river will overflow in you.
Do not fear, I am at work even if you don’t see it and I will make a way for you. Trust in Me with all of your heart and don’t try to understand what is happening, My ways are higher than yours!
Only God can interpret tears, for they have a language of their own, that only His ears can hear. As they drift towards the heavens His heart is awakened by the sound of each teardrop. The Lord’s heart is touched by our tears and He replaces them with joy as it says in Psalm 126, they that sow in tears shall reap in joy. Also in Psalm 30:5 Tears last for a night but joy comes in the morning. They seem to sing out a song of victory in harmony with heaven. How beautiful they must sound as they are turned to joy. In Revelation 21:4, God says He will wipe every tear from our eyes and we will cry no more. What a glorious thought for our tears to vanish and we overflow with joy. However, I’ve discovered it’s not only when we get to heaven, for through my own personal experience, in the loss of a relationship, God replaced my tears with joy. I cried myself to sleep that night and awakened in the morning with a supernatural joy words cannot explain. What an exciting time and I enjoyed every minute of it. Interestingly enough, at the beginning of my journey I didn’t want to settle for less, but to have all the Lord had for me and I don’t mean to be blessed with money or material things either. My desire was to immerse myself in the deepest depths of His living waters. I knew I would never make it, by getting my toes wet or going knee deep and possibly fall back on the dark path I once walked, so I kept seeking His heart and eventually found Him in a personal supernatural way, I never thought possible. From tears to great triumph is my story today from Nov.8, 1998 till now, it is truly amazing and even at times dreamlike. But I know it is real, because I live it every day. It didn’t come naturally though, it took many nights of tears as I cried out to to God to really know Him and sought after Him constantly. When I look back, I think maybe He waited a bit to test me to see how much I really wanted Him.As I cried out to Him one day on the way to work, words flowed from my heart and I pulled over to the side of the road to write them down, then later that evening as I cried I finished this prayer of my heart which is most meaningful to me…and I must say He definitely answered and I am certainly different from the woman I once was. I’ve found that when you walk in the spirit, the supernatural becomes natural and you can walk in joy and no one can steal it from you, unless you let them. But it doesn’t end there, I still cry out to Him for more and more of the Holy Spirit every day, so I can walk in His power moment by moment, just like the apostles did in the book of Acts. That’s where I’m headed. They certainly walked in the power and anointing of the Holy Spirit and I don’t believe there is any deeper walk than that, except when we see Jesus face to face, that is the deepest and greatest of all…Until then I’ll keep seeking and walking deeper…I pray this writing inspires you! Love and blessings
Then a few days later it happened, they returned my email and said they would publish my story. And the greatest thing about it was, they weren’t going to publish it on just any day of the week, but on Thanksgiving weekend. How amazing is that!! I was jumping with joy at the outcome of the whole trip and I was delighted that I had achieved not only one of my goals, but all four. But that’s not all, I have to share more exciting things and update you on my two sons and daughter. Well, my youngest son remembers the day at the edge of the cliff, and he loves the Lord and is married to a beautiful Christian woman and three sweet little girls. My eldest son who helped me move back home, attended church with me and gave his heart to the Lord and he said that my strength in overcoming suicide, has had a great impact on his life and he knew he could overcome his addictions too, and he has. He is married to a good Christian woman as well with four great kids. My sweet daughter also loves the Lord and is married with 2 wonderful kids. But that’s not all, I also am blessed with a sweet step daughter with 4 beautiful children from my marriage. In the last 20 years God has blessed me in abundance beyond what I could ever have imagined. I am glad I didn’t end my life, for if I did, I would have missed out on so much joy. I know now, life is worth living and no matter how traumatic life can be, there is still hope and as you put your trust in God, He will heal your broken heart and put all the pieces back together and make something beautiful out of your life. I have a deep compassion for people, especially those who walk the same road I once did. My goal is to share my story and as you read this, if you have lost all hope, I pray you feel God’s presence right at this moment. May His light shine in your heart and mind, and may you respond to His love, as He calls out your name… Well in closing, Newfoundland is known as the rock and at one time I was living on the rock, but now the Rock of my salvation is Jesus, and I took a piece of the Rock back with me, to share my success story of how He rescued me from death. And now I walk deeper In deepest waters, His living waters, till I am totally immersed in Him. There is no greater way to live!
“A new light of hope now shines bright and has removed all my darkest days, a new faith is built, and I look forward to my future. A new joy has replaced all my tears. A new peace overflows and the war within my soul has seized. The demons that tried to destroy me have vanished.”
You too can experience new hope and a future. God can turn your life around like He did mine. He has created you for something greater than you could ever imagine. I can understand when you walk through a storm it’s hard to see through the fog, but there is a light that shines beyond your darkest days. Your life has purpose and you can overcome your struggles with God by your side.
A lady named Sally who is from Newfoundland, has a blog and when I read her post titled the Unthinkable, my heart was touched and I was inspired to write my story and post it, to share the kindness I received from the beautiful people in Newfoundland. Thank you Sally! I miss it there, but it was wonderful and rewarding to go back when I did. And all I can say is thank you Newfoundlanders, for the sweet memories I have and I pray that through this lockdown that you never lose the spirit of kindness and love you have shared with me and others, I pray God will keep you all safe and healthy and I also pray to be able to visit again! God bless you all…
“ I am free, thank You Jesus, I am free!” This picture is a remake of the scene at Middle Cove the day before and we were unable to capture the scene live, since the winds and waves were high and so were our emotions. However the following day it was sunny and the winds and waves were calm, so my husband took this photo of me as we were driving through Witless Bay. We also use this photo on the cover of my brochure.
The house was still the same as it was 20 years ago. I was too afraid to get out and knock, so I asked my husband to drive up the driveway and keep going. Suddenly I looked and I couldn’t believe my eyes! My landlord was outside working on the place where we lived. He saw us as we drove towards him, but he didn’t recognize me. I told my husband to stop the car, I went running to him and called out his name. As I got closer he smiled big and said, Jan? Yes, it is me, after all these years, and without thinking, I wrapped my arms around him and thanked him for all he and his wife did for me. We walked up the hill to his home and saw his wife and she was happy to see me and of course surprised. She had hoped we could stay longer because she was on her way out, but we had to leave. Well we had a nice visit and I got their email address and phone number to keep in touch. I shared my story and thanked them and I left my book for them to read. On my way out, I asked where the beach was located. I knew it was close by, but couldn’t quite remember how to get there. He said it was Middle Cove and gave me directions. What a wonderful experience to see them again after all these years. Now my third goal was to go to the beach. It was a wet and windy day, but that’s quite normal for Newfoundland in September. We drove off and as we turned in to Middle Cove, everything looked the same as it did 20 years ago but the only difference was, I wasn’t the same, and I knew what I had to do. As we got closer the wind and the waves were fierce, in fact, I’ve never seen it so bad. I said to my husband, park the car, I have to go out to the shore. He tried to talk me out of it, but I was determined I was going. There were people in their cars and I’m sure they wondered what I was up to. This was my moment of victory, I have overcome. I rushed out of the car and fighting the wind, I ran to the shore and the waves seemed to want to overtake me! But I wasn’t afraid and raised my hands looking up at the sky, I shouted, I am free! Thank You Jesus, I am free! My husband came running up to me and threw his arms around me and said, I’m so glad you didn’t take your life and in that chilling moment, we both held each other and cried!!! It was a moment I’ll always remember, in fact the whole trip was amazing. We drove back to the hotel and it was our last day and we were leaving to fly home, early in the morning. But I felt in my heart there was one more thing I had to do before I left. I couldn’t leave without calling the Telegram, so I did. I spoke to someone in the newsroom and I told them who I was and I had sent them a brochure of my story a few months before. Surprisingly enough, they remembered me but they weren’t interested in what had happened twenty years ago. My heart sank at that moment, but in his next breath he said, However, we are interested in your reaction after all these years, and he said, he would send a reporter to the hotel. But I had to turn him down. I knew after all I had already experienced, my emotions were all over the place and I couldn’t just sit down calmly with a reporter and share, so I asked him if he would kindly wait till I return home and once I gather all my thoughts together and calm down a bit, I will write down the adventure and email him a copy and he agreed to that. Whew, I was glad because there was no way I could answer their questions, I was already flying too high, but it was a good high. Anyway we left for home the next morning and all my books and brochures were gone. We passed them out everywhere and people were happy to receive them. As we were taking off in the plane, I looked back with tears in my eyes, for I knew Newfoundland had taken a piece of my heart long ago and I too had a piece of theirs. But I also believe in my heart this was all meant to be from the beginning, and through my story, I pray others will be rescued from suicide. I may never know the results of how many are touched, but if I can just prevent one person from ending their life, it will be worth it all. Well when we arrived home, it all seemed too good to be true that I was actually there. I must admit I was still flying for a few days and not on a plane, but when I landed and calmed down, I wrote how it was to go back twenty years later. I emailed it and a couple weeks had passed and still no word, which had me concerned…
To be cont’d
My book A Daydreamer With a Dream, tells of my story and it is also available in paperback on Amazon. Lollita Faith is my pen name for all of my writing and beside it, is a copy of my brochure which gives a brief outline of my story.
Well before I go on with my journey back to Newfoundland, I didn’t go alone. The Lord brought a wonderful man into my life in December of 2017 and not long after, we talked of marriage. Now before I go any further, I told him my whole story for I knew we couldn’t have a good marriage without being honest with each other and crazy enough, he still wanted to marry me. I knew God had to be in it, because not just anyone would marry a woman who was suicidal and had a past like mine. Well, my desire was to marry in Newfoundland, but it wasn’t possible since we had to stay at least five days there, so we decided to marry here first. I was excited as we made plans to go for a few days. That was long enough for me to accomplish my mission and I knew In my heart the people needed to hear my story. I had no idea how I would react when I arrived after all these years, but nothing was going to stop me. My husband was excited too, to see Newfoundland because he had never been that far east and heard it was beautiful. Well my first step was to contact the daily newspaper in St. Johns, so I sent them an email with a brochure of mine titled, Life is Worth Living and asked if they could publish it in the Letter to the Editor, for September when we arrive. While I waited for their reply, I was kept busy moving into our new home, so I didn’t think much of it, till it got closer to the time to leave, and still no word from them. I was disappointed, but then I thought of the wonderful couple that rented me their home 20 years ago and I wondered if they were still there. You see, when I left back then and the state of mind I was In, I stopped all communication and didn’t look back until now. I was so distraught at that time, and I only wanted to look ahead and forget the past. Some say it is important to leave the past behind and not to tell anyone that you are a survivor of suicide, because of their lack of knowledge and understanding. Well for me, yes, I needed to hide it at the time, but what has affected me the most, and still does today are the many people that are ending their life needlessly. My heart breaks each time I read of another person that has ended their life and I knew I had a success story to share and I have to tell it, no matter what the cost. My first mission trip was Newfoundland, so we printed 100 brochures to take with us. I also had written a book of my story, a quick and easy read so anyone could read it on a plane or a bus station etc. So we ordered 30 copies to take with us. I had 4 main goals to accomplish while I was out there. First, was to distribute all of my books and brochures, second, was to have my story published in the paper, third goal was to look up the people in Newfoundland that rented me their home and last but not least, to go to the ocean shore where I had visions of myself drowning in the waves. After all these years though, I did have a memory lapse somewhat, and couldn’t remember how to get to the beach and I even forgot the name of It. Remember, I wiped out a lot of things that were very traumatic for me, but I did recall the name of the couple and of course the town of Paradise was too beautiful to forget. I have no recollection where the trail was that I stepped out on the edge and honestly, I had no desire to even look for it…Well September came, and it was time to fly to Newfoundland. We had to exchange planes and when we arrived at the first stop I passed out brochures and a few of my books. One lady In Montreal airport was very interested and asked me a few questions and I was happy to share. When I stepped off the plane in Newfoundland I was excited, and turned to my husband and said, I’m home. What an experience, to go back twenty years later to the place I was so close to death….It was an emotional time for me while I was there, but not in a bad way, but most rewarding. As we went to pick up our rental car I was too excited not to share with the two men in the office, and one asked me for a copy of my book and started reading it right then and there, as the other gentleman served us. My adrenaline was high in a good way and I was excited to see what would take place in the three days we were there. We drove to our hotel and I left a few brochures and a book with the owner, and I shared a bit with her and she was happy to hear I survived. The next morning we travelled to Paradise to see If we could find the street where my son and I lived. I must say I was nervous in case I knock on the door and they are no longer there. I’m not sure why I felt that way but anyway it was worth a try. Well as we drove a little further I noticed Paradise was not such a little town anymore and lot’s of new homes were built since I was there last. I knew where I lived, was off the main road and all of a sudden as we drove around the bend there it was, and we turned up the road just a little ways and my heart pounded out of my chest….
One day I decided It would be nice to spend time with my son and go for a walk on the trails, so we went up this high cliff where many tourists go and It was beautiful. As I walked along the trail, the unthinkable happened. What was meant to be a fun day, led to a horrendous moment in time! I felt driven to walk to the edge, with his little hand in mine. But when I reached the edge and looked down I hesitated, because the ocean was so far out and right directly below were piles of huge rocks. The thought crossed my mind how painful it could be, then suddenly I heard a voice, You aren’t going to jump mommy are you? I turned and saw my little boys face so filled with fear, and when I realized what I was about to do, I cried. We walked back to the trail and I held him tight and said, Mommy is going to be okay…I tried my best to overcome my broken heart and just when I felt I was going to be okay I received a call that shook me up. My mom had passed away. I was in shock and disbelief that I wasn’t there with her when she breathed her last breath. Guilt overcame me since I had to put her in a home and I tried to convince myself that I had no choice and I did the best I could. She had dementia and I could no longer care for her on my own. The thoughts In my mind overwhelmed me and just when I thought there was a possibility I would recover, I was back at square one again. Helpless and hopeless, I had no choice but to try and attend the funeral, but how? It seemed Impossible. I talked with the couple who rented me their home and they offered to care for my son while I was gone. But I needed money so I called my kids back home and they were able to help me with the cost of the flight. A couple days later I had arrived but a strange thing happened at the funeral home. As I sat In the chapel so broken and distraught and I know this may sound crazy, but as I looked at my mom’s coffin I heard a voice say, Who will be the next? Who will take her place? At first I honestly thought I was hearing things from being drunk the night before. Then I heard it again, and it wasn’t an audible voice and I quickly said, If this Is You God, there Is no way I could take my mothers place. Look at me, my life is in such turmoil and I am so unstable. My mom was a woman of good standing In the church, she was faithful and grounded and a woman of high regard in and around our community. I certainly let God know there was no way I could and headed back to Newfoundland.
However, as the days passed God didn’t give up on me and wasn’t going to take no for an answer. Through all His persistent persuasions with sleepless nights and other events I had no choice but to give in…I contacted my older son of my decision, and he rented a house, so we had a place to come home to and helped me financially for the long trip back. We packed what things we could fit in the car. I explained to my landlord and he was fine with my decision. His family was very supportive which made it much easier for me. I was afraid to tell the man who broke my heart in case he would try to stop me, so we just drove off and didn’t look back. I never did see him again and I guess you could say that was a good thing. As we arrived in Ontario my family helped us settle in. The first step I knew I had to take was to go to church. There was a church close to where we lived and that Sunday morning on November the 8th, 1998, just as I sat down, I heard a voice at the beginning of the service, and it was more like an audible voice that said, I should attend the church I vowed I would never return. That was the one place I certainly didn’t want to go back to. You see I was a prodigal that left the fold and there was no way I wanted to go back to the unpleasant memories of the past. But again God wouldn’t take no for an answer. And believe it or not that’s where an awesome spiritual journey began for me. I was on my way to the most exciting adventure ever as I faced my fears and triumphed through each one. Just when I was at my lowest and so close to death, I now live the ultimate high with great peace and overflowing joy. One of the big turning points was when I took the Steps to Freedom in Christ by Neil Anderson and was delivered from the spirit of suicide. I received a miraculous transformation through God alone and He has taken the old things of yesterday that dragged me down and made all things new for me.
It has been twenty two years since He reached down His hand and rescued me. Not once did I ever turn back. All suicidal thoughts and attempts are gone and so are all the visions of death and despair. I have a relationship with Jesus more than I ever thought possible. He is greater than any dream I could dream and the peace He gives me each day causes my heart to rejoice. In my relationship with Him my love grows stronger every day and He is my reason I live. He is my song I now sing and without Him I am nothing and have nothing. All along as I searched for love in all the wrong places, He was so close beside me, waiting for me to patiently reach the end of the road, so I could discover a new beginning in Him. But that’s not all, there’s more to come, twenty years after I left Newfoundland, I reached a great milestone and returned in September of 2018 and took a piece of the rock…
My daughter and her fiancé came to visit and it was great to see them and I didn’t share with her how I was feeling and pretended I was fine. I took them to my favourite place, Middle Cove and they loved the ocean and the people too. A few days later they left and I was back in my broken mode, with no escape. I couldn’t sleep and I drowned my sorrows in a bottle of wine each night. It was too expensive to keep up so I tried beer, but nothing helped. I was sinking deeper In a pit of depression and couldn’t get out. I made an appointment with a doctor for a prescription to help me cope. I shared with him what happened to me and he asked me If I see a light at the end of the tunnel. Right away I thought If I tell him the truth I might lose my son and I couldn’t take that chance, so I told him I see a faint flicker. He then smiled and said I was on the road to recovery, but little did he know, all I saw was complete darkness. Then It ended up he gave me a prescription for sleeping pills and I left. Well the sleeping pills and drinking heavily helped me to sleep somewhat, but not completely. To help ease the pain my son and I loved to go to Middle Cove beach and walk along the shore and collect small rocks. We’d take them home and create little things with them like turtles and other cute critters. I had a glimpse of hope when we went to a gift shop by the ocean and I asked the owner If she could sell them for me and she was happy to. At first I thought It would be great to make a little extra money for us. But a couple weeks later she called and said tourists were not Interested In them, because they were too heavy to travel with, so I fell back again depressed more than ever. And this guy who broke my heart would come over to visit once In a while and I have no Idea why. But anyway by this time I became good friends with my landlord and landlady and my son would play with their granddaughter when she’d visit. We had a good relationship with them and they were always willing to help me. In fact one day I shared with my landlord how I loved to hang out clothes and to my surprise the next morning a clothesline was set up. Bursts of happy moments arose while I watched our clothes blowing in the strong refreshing winds on the shores of Paradise. Those were precious moments for me even in the midst of pain, but in the back of my mind I still had an agenda to end my life and the town of Paradise was the perfect name and place to make it happen. One day he came back and I was afraid to tell him to leave me alone so I left my son with the landlady and we went for a drive to Middle Cove. He asked me how I was doing and I was still pretty messed up. As I looked out at the ocean waves I answered, I can see a vision of myself walking out In the waves until I can no longer be seen and that was peace for me. He was disgusted and said, I was so morbid. That was truly how far gone I was, In fact I had another vision of myself in a coffin with my 2 sons at my side and my daughter weeping uncontrollably over my body and I honestly felt no emotion, except it was another peaceful scene for me. I was convinced the only answer for me was to end my life, but I didn’t want to leave my young son with no one to care for him, so I thought it best to put it off till he grows up and doesn’t need me anymore. In the meantime I loved Newfoundland and the people, and the music they’d play on the streets was so heartwarming, with accordions, and harmonicas. But was the beauty of the island and the sweet people going to be enough to heal my broken heart?
My one and only desire is to be more like You. May I see with Your eyes, feel with Your heart Listen with Your ears to the cries of all people. As you weave my heart with Your threads of love may I be beautifully patterned after You, always portraying Your Glory and Grace. Plant me firm and deep rooted in Your word so I shall not be moved. Keep me safe under the shelter of Your wings so nothing shall harm me. Empower me with Your Holy Spirit so I may do according to all You have planned. I die to self and the things of this world so I may have more of You. You put a song in my heart I have a reason to sing You Light up my life beyond everything, You have given me wings to fly high above. All else is vain as I soar with Your Love. Nothing or no one could ever take Your place. I am filled with Your Glory, saved by Your Grace. In Your precious name, Amen
As I relive that moment, it felt like he took a knife and cut out my heart, I felt so much pain and I was also in shock. I called him a few choice words and pounded him on the chest, How could you do this to me I cried. I sold everything to be with you! He looked at me with no emotion, like he did nothing wrong and said he would help me find a place for my little boy and I to live. I couldn’t believe he was so calm and didn’t care after all that he had told me in the past year, and even the poetry he had written, meant nothing at all. I’m glad I still had my car but it was hard to drive on the roads in St. John’s because everything was new to me. Back then there was no cell phones or gps, only road maps which didn’t help much, so I bought a local map of the area to make it easier, but I still got lost at times. My life was a mess and I had no one to turn to. Not even God, because I gave up on Him and blamed Him for all that happened. I also gave up on my dream and buried it so deep there was nothing left of it, but dried up bones. I had lost all hope in people as well, since heartbreak after heartbreak seemed to be the pattern of my life over the years, and I couldn’t break free from its curse. But even through the most devastating time of my life a faint flicker of light shone through the clouds when the people of Newfoundland were so different and so laid back and friendly. Believe it or not everywhere I went they welcomed me and treated me like I was family. I loved their accent and the cute phrases they’d say actually gave me a reason to smile. It faded fast, but I knew in my heart not only did I love the beauty of the island, but I also loved the beauty of their hearts as they reached out to me with such kindness. They were complete strangers and had no idea what I was going through, but it did ignite a momentary spark of hope. However, the pain of my broken heart was too deep and too hard to bear…well not long after, this guy found a house advertised for rent in a town called Paradise. He set up an appointment with the owner and drove me there to look at it. I walked through it and loved it, but the owner was hesitant at first when he found out it was for me and my son. I could barely speak for myself because I was walking around in a daze half the time. But after he spoke up for me the landlord said okay, the house is yours. What a beautiful place situated on a high cliff of rock, right along the ocean shore and I felt safe because it was located right behind the owner’s home. I didn’t trust this guy who had led me astray and I was a little afraid of him, just in case he would do something crazier than he had already done. Believe it or not he actually drove me through the city dump to look for furniture but there was nothing decent and he picked up a couple of mattresses on the side of the street. I honestly trusted the couple who rented me the home, more than him. Well he helped me move and I gradually settled in but I couldn’t sleep at night and was haunted with suicidal thoughts. As time went on, I found myself getting worse instead of better. I thought In time I would get over the hurt and feel normal again, but that didn’t happen. And there was no way I could return home because I didn’t have enough money, but thankfully I was still from the same country and the government helped me financially to pay my rent and buy food. It’s a good thing or else I’d be homeless living on the streets…
I want to share my story but it will be more than one part because it is a little lengthy and I don’t want to leave anything out. My experiences in Newfoundland are like sweet, bitter, sweet and just in the last week a spark has reawakened my heart and I need to share especially now, during lockdown…
It was a cold day in December of 1996 but how sweet it was…
As I stepped off the plane I knew Newfoundland was the place where I would live my dream. The snow covered evergreens glistened with the sun and the rocks of magnificent colours had me captured. But the highlight was the moment my eyes caught the fierce but beautiful, mighty waves of the ocean, it was love at first sight and I was determined to make my dream come true. I would be two thousand miles away from family and I knew it was a big step, but with love there is no distance, so I took the big plunge and sold everything I had, except my car and some personal belongings. My daughter at the time was 19 and engaged and she was against it, but I knew she’d be fine and my eldest son was 21 out on his own, so I had no worries of him either. However one of my friends heard the news and came over to see me and warned me that God was not in it. I also met a woman who did the same and was left abandoned, struggling on her own, yet my heart wasn’t stirred. I guess looking back now they could have been warning signs but as the saying goes, love is blind and I think I was bitten by the bug. My love for the island overpowered my way of thinking and I felt in my heart I had to chance it and I would be fine. I was a single mom with my seven year old son to care for, but I had no fear of the future and I stepped out. Well in case you haven’t guessed it and still wondering, yup, I met a man from Newfoundland who had swept me off my feet. He was on a road trip in my part of the country for the summer that year and would be heading back. Well to make a long story short we started seeing each other and before you know it things got serious pretty quick. What can I say, he knew all the right things to say and he won my heart. But he also was a good buddy to my seven year old which was great. Well when the day came for him to go back to Newfoundland it was heartbreaking, but I still had one year of college left to go so I couldn’t leave with him. In the meantime we had a long distance relationship and a few months later in December I had a break from college. We talked about marriage and I knew it was a big step so I decided to visit the island of Newfoundland first to see if I liked it… and as you read already at the beginning of my story I stepped off the plane and there was no turning back… I was caught up in my little dream world and so excited for the future for my son and I. The summer of the following year 1997, the big day arrived. He flew down to meet us and drove my car back to Newfoundland. He had a nice place for us to live and I was excited, but something happened on the way that had me concerned. His attitude changed somewhat and he was in a not so nice frame of mind. Of course at first I excused him and thought he was just tired, but his attitude worsened as time went on. It was a long journey on the road and I sensed something was not right, I asked him what was wrong but he said he was fine. Well when we arrived he did have a nice place for us so I tried to make the most of it then one week later he shocked me when he told me there was someone else in his life…
As I was getting ready for the day my heart and mind was enlightened by the words Greater is He…I was inspired by the Holy Spirit with this word…
For I know that the LORD is great, And our Lord is above all gods. Ps 135:5
Great is our Lord, and of great power: His understanding is infinite. Psalm 147:5
How great is our God, greater than any other…
Greater is His love than the love In the world
Greater is His peace beyond understanding, there is no peace like His
Greater is His joy, it is unspeakable, no words can explain
Greater is His grace that is sufficient and lifts us high above our struggles
Greater is His glory, He crowns us with His glory and honour
Greater is His mercies they are new every morning
Greater is His faithfulness, He will not disappoint and keeps His promises
Greater is His power and what Is impossible with man, our God can do.
All of His greatness is living in us, we are more than conquerors!
David knew he could defeat the giant because He knew God’s power and he trusted God to see him through. May we be reminded of God’s great power living in us and we too can defeat the enemy that comes against us when we put our trust in God.
Let’s walk in the greatness of God through the power of the Holy Spirit for greater is He in us than he that is in the world. Know who you are and all He has given you…
His Infinite, unconditional love..His peace, joy, grace and crowned with His glory. Showers of His mercy fall every morning for you, His faithfulness is great and He won’t let you down.
My Prayer…Because of YOUR Love
I have joy in Your strength O Lord, In Your salvation I greatly rejoice, You have granted my heart’s desire And have not withheld the request of my lips. You pour on me blessings of goodness, You placed a crown of pure gold on my head. I asked life from You and You gave it to me. My length of days are forever and ever. I glory great in Your salvation, Honour and majesty You give me, You have made me most blessed forever. You make me exceedingly happy in Your presence. I trust in You Lord and through Your mercy, O Most High, I shall not be moved!! Psalm 21:1-7 personalized
There’s no sweeter fragrance than the fragrance of Christ we wear and how lovely as we share His love and beauty from deep within our hearts unto others.
True beauty is not your appearance on the outside but deep within the inner soul are many facets, like cuts in a diamond, reflecting the beauty of Christ.
His sweet fragrance of love richly scented above any other, brings…
Beauty in holiness with a heart of worship not only in song but living a life of worship in our moment by moment, to please Him and give Him all the glory.
A light of hope glistens from your heart, beating in rhythm with His
A smile so bright and beautiful is an expression of His glory within
A joyful heart overflows like a river and others are refreshed by each wave
A grateful heart in everything and an attitude of prayer at all times brings peace to your soul
A heart of kindness you share in word and in deed from His heart of love
A heart of patience waits on the Lord for your trust is in His heart alone
A heart of wisdom and understanding blossoms through obedience
A gentle and quiet spirit blossoms in beauty with great worth.
Where does true beauty come from?
When we acknowledge the Holy Spirit..He comes alive within us and the fruit of His Spirit shall grow and blossom more beautiful everyday…
So let’s walk in the fruit of amazing love every day so. we can live in the fruit of joy unspeakable and full of His glory, and be filled with fruit of peace above and beyond all understanding, and grow with the fruit of patience for His strength comes as we wait, and overflow with fruits of gentleness and goodness, And walk by faith and not by sight and flow with the fruit of meekness, living a life of self control. This is true beauty and the only way to live In true freedom. Amen and Amen. The Spirit of the Lord rests upon me, the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the Lord. (Isaiah 11:2)
Dear Lord Jesus,
I surrender my all to You this day and always. Let Your reflection in me shine of Your magnificent love, so others may see Your beauty and grace as the Holy Spirit flows through me. I will renew my mind so I may think on all that is righteous and lovely. My eyes shall stay focused on You not looking back, but forward to all You have for me. My lips will speak of Your Love and truth and every word shall build up and not tear down. My hand will hold Yours and glorify You in everything I do. My feet shall follow in Your footsteps and not go astray. As my heart is in tune with Yours, weave my heart closer, so Your will be done. In Your precious Name, Amen and Amen.
Though some things we may not fully understand, we can trust Him to complete the work He has begun in us until the day of His return. Let Him weave your heart so close to His so He may accomplish His perfect will in you. Let this be the prayer of your heart…Love you my sweet sisters and dear brothers, You are all so beautiful for His beauty blossoms within you.
My happy place every morning is in His sweet presence. I love to journal our moments together in the secret place. These words flowed from my heart this morning as I spent time with Him…
How lovely as I dwell In Your presence. I love the closeness we share, Your presence lifts me high above all my care. Your heart beating for mine has me captured, I’d love to hear the sound of Your voice as You sing over me. I’m brought to tears as Your love calms all my fears. How lovely to spend time in Your presence until You return for me. And these moments with You I’ll always treasure!
Caught up in this moment with You Lord, is like no other. How lovely, how beautiful to feel Your warm embrace. There is a river of pleasures you speak of in Your word. I drink of this river and enjoy Your every pleasure. As I ride each wave with You I cling to You in this moment, And never want it to end, You are my deepest desire. You satisfy my thirst in these living waters
I love You Jesus, You have all of my heart and nothing or No one could ever take Your place. What a glorious day that will be when You return for me
I can spend eternity with You and never have to leave…There is no other place I would rather be than right here, right now with You…
Thank You Holy Spirit for making it possible for me to commune with Him in this secret place
Love You forever, Abba Father, Son and Holy Spirit, Amen and Amen
There is a peace that is beyond our understanding and in John 14:27 Jesus said, Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
We are kept in this perfect peace when our mind is stayed on Him. The minute we let other things distract us, it disconnects us from the source of peace and our minds can become frazzled and fearful.
Let this be our prayer…
Abba Father, Don’t let me get carried away with fearful thoughts that try to lead me astray. Keep my eyes from looking at worthless things. Open my eyes and enlighten them to see wondrous things from Your word. May I only listen to Your voice and not others. Speak to my heart as I surrender my senses to You. May I not lean on my own understanding for Your ways and thoughts are so much higher than mine. Keep me under the umbrella of Your grace to face another day. I trust You and acknowledge You, direct my steps I pray, so I may walk in victory. In Jesus name, Amen
After I wrote this prayer the Holy Spirit directed me to scriptures in the book of Jude, which are powerful.
20. Build yourself up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit.
21. Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus unto eternal life.
24. Now to Him who is able to keep us from falling and to present us faultless at the presence of His glory with exceeding joy.
25. To God our Saviour who alone is wise. Be Glory and Majesty, Dominion and Power both now and forever. Amen
So there is a work to do on our part…
We are to Build up ourselves by praying in the Holy Spirit.
We are to Keep ourselves in the love of God and in other words, not get distracted..
And Looking for His mercy unto eternity.
But that’s not all, He is able to keep us from falling and presents us faultless at the presence of His glory on that day with exceeding joy. And I say praise God, thank You Holy Spirit for this powerful word to apply to our lives every day, so we can rise above the world and live in victory.
I pray this word is a blessing to you as it is to me. Love and blessings, Lollita
I love Isaiah 35 verse 1 b. “And the desert shall rejoice and blossom as a rose.”
The Lord moved my heart with this word and may it sink Into the depths of your heart as it has mine. When I first discovered this verse I personalized it and found my life once was a desert until the Lord rescued me and since then I rejoice and blossom as a rose.
Even though it seems we are living in a desert land with no hope in the world today, we have nothing to fear…
God’s word says, Our desert shall rejoice and blossom as the rose. We shall blossom abundantly and rejoice, even with joy and singing! We shall see the glory of the Lord!! The excellence of our God!!
So, let us strengthen our weak hands and make firm our feeble knees…
Be strong!! And do not fear!!
Our God will come with vengeance! He will come and save us!
How beautiful, we will rejoice and blossom as a rose. It Is interesting how the stem of the rose has thorns and they grow first before the rose begins to bud and bloom. It reminds me of us today how we all have thorns in the flesh, we suffer pain, heartache, and many suffer worse than others…but the best is yet to come and we can blossom and bloom through suffering even though we may not see the work God is doing In and through us, He will complete it on that glorious day and we will be as beautiful as a rose in full bloom! So let’s take our minds off the gloom around us and lets continue to bloom for Christ and put our hope in God’s word. He is faithful to His word and we can stand on His promises…
Let Him do the work in us that is required and we will begin to see changes take place in us and we will blossom daily. Some focus on the thorns of life and forget that we are to blossom where we are planted.
I have written many writing of roses over the years and this is one of them…
“You are His precious rose and throughout all seasons of life, you show expressions of Love as your petals blossom in the Spirit…
Through the thorns you endure and your stem of Faith keeps you strong
Your leaves shall not whither whatever the storm…
Your roots grow deep in rich soil as you stand firm on the foundation of God’s word “
I was inspired by a portion of David’s prayer in Psalm 17 verses 8,9
“Show Your marvellous loving kindness by Your right hand. O You who save those who trust in You, from those who come against them. Keep me as the apple of Your eye, Hide me under the shadow of Your wings from those who oppress me and the enemies that surround me.” (NKJV)
Then I was moved by God’s great love and words overflowed for His heart alone…
“I am KEPT close to You for I am the apple of Your eye
I am HIDDEN in Your secret place, You embrace me with Your love
I am SHELTERED under the shadow of Your wings, I have nothing to fear
Though darkness surrounds me and the enemy comes against me, You protect me, I am safe in Your mighty hand and nothing or no one can harm me, Love You Jesus and thank You for all that You are to me and all that I am to You. I am Yours and You are mine, always and forever!”
He has shown me His marvellous loving kindness. He keeps me, He hides me, He shelters me under the shadow of His wings…
How beautiful is His presence and I pray …That you also are moved by His loving promise when troubles come remember, He keeps us, He hides us, He restores us, He revives us and so much more, Because He loves us…
What a glorious truth for us to cling to and never let go, this day and always!
I am beautiful and created by Him. He has made me gracious, full of compassion and righteous…I will never be shaken, I will not be afraid of evil that comes against me. My heart is steadfast and strong, trusting in the Lord. I will not be afraid of tomorrow but only live in the present, moment by moment! I will not look ahead and not look back but only keep my eyes on Jesus! I will rise above the natural and live in the spiritual and keep my mind on heavenly things. I will not be conformed to this world but I will be transformed as I renew my mind. I will feed my mind on His word and keep my mind on Him and communicate with Him!
Every step I take is with Him and for Him alone
Everything I say and do is to glorify Him
Everything I watch and listen to is all for His glory.
My desire is to please Him In every way and keep my mind pure.
I will rejoice in the Lord always and again I say, rejoice.
I will let my gentleness be known to all men for the Lord is near, He sees and hears.
I will not be anxious about anything but with a grateful heart I will give it all to Him.
In return He will give me His peace and it will guard my heart and mind.
I am who I am because of who God says I am and I will stand on His word and speak His word over my life and my family. I can do all things through Christ who gives me the strength for I do not stand alone. He is with me always and I will forever love Him and follow after Him.
So be beautiful and be filled full of the Holy Spirit and enjoy His many benefits. He has forgiven your sin, healed your diseases, crowned you with loving kindness. He satisfies you with good things so your youth is renewed like the eagle.
So the King will greatly desire your beauty; Because He is your Lord, worship Him.
Psalms 45:11 {NKJV}
The Lord greatly desires your beauty for He is your Lord and worship Him for you are glorious within, your heart is of pure gold woven into a beautiful work of art created by His articulate hands. You are dressed in His beauty of holiness and you are His jewel He has made for His own. May you feel His touch and soft whispers of His voice, Enjoy the pleasures of His presence as He lifts you to heavenly places with Him.
Lord, we worship You and thank You for all of Your many blessings and benefits and we give You all praise, this day and always!! In Him I live and move and have my being, through Him I can be and do all that His heart requires of me, and with Him I walk close by His side to accomplish all that He pleases.
Be blessed and overflowing with His peace, joy and love.
Author June Hodgins 