The house was still the same as it was 20 years ago. I was too afraid to get out and knock, so I asked my husband to drive up the driveway and keep going. Suddenly I looked and I couldn’t believe my eyes! My landlord was outside working on the place where we lived. He saw us as we drove towards him, but he didn’t recognize me. I told my husband to stop the car, I went running to him and called out his name. As I got closer he smiled big and said, Jan? Yes, it is me, after all these years, and without thinking, I wrapped my arms around him and thanked him for all he and his wife did for me. We walked up the hill to his home and saw his wife and she was happy to see me and of course surprised. She had hoped we could stay longer because she was on her way out, but we had to leave. Well we had a nice visit and I got their email address and phone number to keep in touch. I shared my story and thanked them and I left my book for them to read. On my way out, I asked where the beach was located. I knew it was close by, but couldn’t quite remember how to get there. He said it was Middle Cove and gave me directions. What a wonderful experience to see them again after all these years. Now my third goal was to go to the beach. It was a wet and windy day, but that’s quite normal for Newfoundland in September. We drove off and as we turned in to Middle Cove, everything looked the same as it did 20 years ago but the only difference was, I wasn’t the same, and I knew what I had to do. As we got closer the wind and the waves were fierce, in fact, I’ve never seen it so bad. I said to my husband, park the car, I have to go out to the shore. He tried to talk me out of it, but I was determined I was going. There were people in their cars and I’m sure they wondered what I was up to. This was my moment of victory, I have overcome. I rushed out of the car and fighting the wind, I ran to the shore and the waves seemed to want to overtake me! But I wasn’t afraid and raised my hands looking up at the sky, I shouted, I am free! Thank You Jesus, I am free! My husband came running up to me and threw his arms around me and said, I’m so glad you didn’t take your life and in that chilling moment, we both held each other and cried!!! It was a moment I’ll always remember, in fact the whole trip was amazing. We drove back to the hotel and it was our last day and we were leaving to fly home, early in the morning. But I felt in my heart there was one more thing I had to do before I left. I couldn’t leave without calling the Telegram, so I did. I spoke to someone in the newsroom and I told them who I was and I had sent them a brochure of my story a few months before. Surprisingly enough, they remembered me but they weren’t interested in what had happened twenty years ago. My heart sank at that moment, but in his next breath he said, However, we are interested in your reaction after all these years, and he said, he would send a reporter to the hotel. But I had to turn him down. I knew after all I had already experienced, my emotions were all over the place and I couldn’t just sit down calmly with a reporter and share, so I asked him if he would kindly wait till I return home and once I gather all my thoughts together and calm down a bit, I will write down the adventure and email him a copy and he agreed to that. Whew, I was glad because there was no way I could answer their questions, I was already flying too high, but it was a good high. Anyway we left for home the next morning and all my books and brochures were gone. We passed them out everywhere and people were happy to receive them. As we were taking off in the plane, I looked back with tears in my eyes, for I knew Newfoundland had taken a piece of my heart long ago and I too had a piece of theirs. But I also believe in my heart this was all meant to be from the beginning, and through my story, I pray others will be rescued from suicide. I may never know the results of how many are touched, but if I can just prevent one person from ending their life, it will be worth it all. Well when we arrived home, it all seemed too good to be true that I was actually there. I must admit I was still flying for a few days and not on a plane, but when I landed and calmed down, I wrote how it was to go back twenty years later. I emailed it and a couple weeks had passed and still no word, which had me concerned…
To be cont’d
Author June Hodgins 